UnjustlyUnderpaid I shall copy it, I would be honored if you took it down =]
My shame should be hidden.
UnjustlyUnderpaid I shall copy it, I would be honored if you took it down =]
My shame should be hidden.
Acutelittletrap the setting is too little BUT BUT this is chapter one and a world isn’t built in one chapter. You have plenty of time to add/build more to the setting in future chapters.
I’m deleting the comments in 3 minutes
New author here. I wish every senpai in this forum a relaxing and enjoyable holiday season, and an amazing New Year!
My work is called When the Emperors Return.
Let's exchange reviews to pump the reviews number up!!
Thanks =]
I assume you mean grand scale
I was talking about the small things, like where the action is taking place, like if I should of wrote more/less about the jail/barracks.
Also on the comment you made about wisdom and stuff,
Is it more interesting if I made it super complex?
I was really going with a simple system like in Skyrim HP-Mana-Stamina.
Acutelittletrap oh in which case, you could do with a bit more details but not too much. Honestly what you had so far was pretty okay
SimmeringHours
Would you like a star review or a critique?
I'd get 2 stars =]
Acutelittletrap
Hi Forsaken123, I'm the first to write a review. Woohoo! Proud of myself.
Could you give me some feed back on my novel too? Thanks in advance.
Here is the link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/12519833905731105
SimmeringHours
Do, you want a real review or just a boot licking?
As for your question.
My answer is Asuna.
I read C1, and there is no detail about the environment, also it lacks a hook.
I don't really understand your synopsis?
It sound like a ton of world building, what kind of story is this?
Hi guys.. I would like a review too. This is the first novel that I am writing. Here's the link :
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/12186924305054405
I will get onto yours later! Thanks!
Acutelittletrap
a real review here would be great
Acutelittletrap
Thanks for the advice. Now that you mention it, I realize the lack of hook too.
I'll probably have to change the synopsis to make it more clear too.
Yep. There is a lot of world building. Basically a village boy given the burden to revive powerful peace seeking individuals to end the world war.
UnjustlyUnderpaid
A critique would be great. Thank you!
SimmeringHours
Much of what I say is exaggerated to get a certain point across. So the problems may be much less important than I make them out to be.
The synopsis is a bit strange. It doesn’t really stand out to me and it doesn’t really give you a tiny hint of what to expect in the story. The characters were well made but they seem a bit bland. Like how the MC wants to activate the skill but why? Sure he wants to be stronger and join the front line and whatever BUT WHY?
There are a few grammatical errors that can be quickly fixed if you just reread over the chapter maybe once or twice. Some sentences are fragmented out when they could be merged together to make a better sentence
(This example is not in your novel, don’t worry about this)
{The giant was big compared to the village. The giant’s entire height was around one hundred feet.}
“The one hundred feet tall giant was incredibly big compared to the village.”
And when using curse words, try not to change the spelling. Don’t change fucking to fooking and stuff like this because it disrupts flow and makes the brain stop and try to decipher what the word means. If you really don’t like using curse words, then either don’t use then or use as a censor fcking is much better than fooking in my opinion. There are other stuff but they are too small and you don’t need to worry about them
UnjustlyUnderpaid
Thank you Zhen_Xin and Forsaken123. Yep. You guys are right. I followed your advice and changed my synopsis now. Hopefully it's a bit better.
Zhen_Xin, do you have a novel? It's a review swap after all. It would be bad of me if I'm the only one reaping the benefits.
Once again, thanks guys for your help!
Kingoftheland that is so cool bro.
Acutelittletrap You've improved it quite a bit. It's still more of a beginning than a synopsis.
SimmeringHours It seems to short for me to review yet.. but I added it to look at later.