fantasy_land Um, I've left a few comments. You post lots of really short chapters. I've read a few good stories with really short chapters before, but they had a background world that explained why everything was fragmented into small pieces that I'm not seeing in yours. And at least in the first half dozen chapters, you say they're forced to, without any explanation a lot. I peeked at the most recent chapter and it was the same.

      gusdefrog
      Thanks for the honest review. Although, I have tried to improve in the recent chapters, but it's still a long way from perfection. And yes, the reason for forcing is revealed much later. However, thanks. Will try to improve further 😊

          Joneleth I tried but that had a male protagonist so I had a problem. You know female usually prefer female MC. As far I've only read Release That Witch with a male MC. But I read your story up to four chapters and liked the idea of the story. I tried to give a review but then it would be difficult considering I'm female and I might not understand what guys like about novels. So I gave up.

              UnjustlyUnderpaid if you want to can you read over my story and give me some constructive criticism and maybe a five star if you like the over all story it's called True God

                  Acutelittletrap okay thx, I’m going to try to see if I could find you. I want to some advice on something that I can’t really use the forum for.

                  I’m (very) new to discord so I’m just goin to leave this here just in case
                  Zhen_Xin#6926

                  If anyone wants to add me or something for some reason, then I welcome all. After all I like making new friends.

                    Acutelittletrap Meh, that’s a real subjective viewpoint. Although I am really humbled you think that way.

                    But if you want to, let’s trade anyways. Get yourself a free review right here haha!

                        https://m.webnovel.com/book/11966134905672605
                        Name: Rise of Destruction
                        Synopsis:
                        Committing suicide on Earth, Amon regains his previous's life's memories at the age of eight in a world of Magic.

                        Sold for 140 coppers at twelve, Amon starts walking towards his dreams, discovering his origins bit by bit, becoming someone from an orphan.

                        Follow Amon as he rises from the masses with the 'nothing' that he has.

                        Im looking forward to returning the favour :)

                          Acutelittletrap feel free to go hard or soft, I don’t mind either way.

                          Acutelittletrap here’s your synopsis btw, wanted to post it on the other thread, but since I’m already here-

                          I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll dissect the synopsis.

                          After being betrayed, by her guild leader, Ellen could not leave the game.
                          This sentence leads to a fundamental question. Why does being betrayed by her guild leader mean, that Ellen could not leave the game?
                          You may not mean it that way, but it certainly is worded that way. As you used a cause to correlation sentence.
                          She moved her fingers around the interface and clicked support, but could not contact a Gamemaster.
                          Will the Gamemaster be important? If not, do not mention him.
                          After exploring, she bumped into a few NPCs, but failed to find any players. Her heartbeat sped up, and her fingers moistened.
                          This sentence is a bit bumpy, but in essence is pretty good.
                          A guard approached Ellen and said: “Why are you naked,” while grabbing her arm and escorting her into a prison cell.
                          Ellen asked him when would she be released, and heard, "312."
                          How do you decide whether to use direct or indirect speech?
                          Ella did not know why, but she was stuck in 'Bless,' and would be released two years before the game started.
                          This is a sentence that would be good in a standalone, but should not be the lead up of the previous sentence.
                          She pondered, "Am I in the past, or this this a quest, and why can't I logout?"
                          This sentence is not necessary as it was already established that it was the past and that she probably cannot logout.

                          In essence, there are too many jumps in the summary.
                          We go from a narrator who describe the past happenings, to the present time, to a detailed description, to some action, to some conversation( which also switches between direct, indirect speech), to indirect thoughts, to direct thoughts.

                          It’s better than before though.

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